I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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