he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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