You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
