The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
