i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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