you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Never joke about your clitoris.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
