i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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