This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
