Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
