i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
