Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
