I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
