alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
