I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize