Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
