I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
