dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
