She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
