Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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