My hand turned me down
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
