Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize