Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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