I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You may now shotgun with the bride
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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