I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
