rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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