ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
