I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
