My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
