sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
