guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize