$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he fucked my hip out of place.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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