never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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