So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
