She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
