oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
