we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
