it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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