Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
