i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
