Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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