i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
