This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i think i have two assholes
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
