tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
