youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
