i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
