FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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