We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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