I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
