I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
