and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize