I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
