walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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