Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize