well I can't set my house on fire every night
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
