She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
