Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
