I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
