just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
