there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
