oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
