Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
