Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
