Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
