i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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