Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Come share oat with me in your robe
soo... how was my night?
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