Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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