Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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