You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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