He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
