Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
