oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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